You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
