he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
