..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize