I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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