He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
