I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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