just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
