You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I am available for nakedness
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
