I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
