I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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