my mouth tastes like poor choices
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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