I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
