nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
