I'm so fucking centered right now
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
