He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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