I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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