if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
