Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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