ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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