Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
