I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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