matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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