fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
