yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
