yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
