Your mouth is God's brothel.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
