If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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