Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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