hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
