Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
