I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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