Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize