We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
