I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
