I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
