Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
