Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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