Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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