ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
