No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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