I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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