he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
