So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
