They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
