your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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