Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize