I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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