never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
