the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize