If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
