Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
