i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Someone shit on the floor
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Redeem this text for a blowjob
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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