Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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