How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
