So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
