Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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