would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
