He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
