Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
