he shaved USA in his pubs
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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