Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
