Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
