Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
