We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
